The Lounge of the Adventurer – lots of randomness with sprinkles made of comedy and a filling of our finest quality spite

Article 01 May 2006

[Article mirrored from protected website, posted in unnamed San Diego school newspaper, for source verification, contact Daniel Hawking. Names withheld for private reasons.]

Computer Illiteracy
What has happened to the English language?

“hay did u get mi mssage lol?” The words typed in this comment are probably very common among the teenagers these days. Shortened phrases, misspellings and acronyms have replaced words that anyone could find in a dictionary. What has happened to the English language? Did proper spelling just disappear over the internet or something?

Today, it’s probably impossible to go to any site on the internet without seeing “lol”, “u”, and “omg”. Sites like Myspace and the GameFAQ forums contain many forms of an apparently “new language” that has derived online. Computer illiteracy seems as popular among teenagers as the thought of using drugs.

In a student’s English class, obviously you can’t write so terribly. So why does anyone bother to online? This only encourages the theory of how lazy students are, not to mention the “grades dropping every year” fact(s). No one cares if you misspell a few words, it always occurs in life; but to type like some Neanderthal gives a person the idea of how idiotic we—the students—are.

Many teenagers, who actually DO type properly online, are agitated with the idea of being thought of as, “Lazy kids who can’t even spell the word ‘you’”. Typing like a complete imbecile can also lead to meeting potentially dangerous strangers. They’d get the idea that the teenager is too stupid to fend people like Michael Jackson off. Due to all the reports on the news about Myspace, it’d probably be a better idea if students started typing like they’re actually smart; this would show the strangers that they’re too brilliant to be fooled.

Teenagers, to put it simply, are complete MORONS who can’t spell three letter words and form sentences with proper grammar. What’s even more horrifying is the fact that this illiteracy seems to be affecting the adults, as well. I’m not saying that ALL adolescents have the intellectual span of a turkey, however; it’s just ridiculous having to decipher this “noob code” when it could be easily spelled out correctly.

How this form of illiteracy first derived, I don’t know. Or maybe it’s just because some pathetic sloth of a human decided, “k im gunna typ lyk a idjit now lol” and from there, more poor-minded fools followed his or her example.

Why do some type like utter imbeciles, while people like myself remain bound by the laws of the English language? I’ll put it into two simple phrases: We’re smart. You’re not. Sure, there are definitely people that are smarter than me when it comes to science, mathematics, basically anything—however, I wouldn’t even be able to tell the higher levels of intellectuality online. Scenario time:

“hi ur names kim rite?”

Yeah, hi there. You’re probably in one of those classes where they’re learning the English language, right?

“no im in kunzlers”

Isn’t that a GATE/Seminar class?

“ya”

Are they starting to let people with bad grammar into these classes or something?

Anyways, I’ve encountered many conversations like this; sometimes, the people aren’t even from Lewis Middle School (let’s just hope that clarifies the fact that I’m not just flaming the students at Lewis). I’m not even talking about—well, okay, from what I’ve seen, every student at Lewis who owns a Myspace (that means like literally everyone) types like a five-year-old. Actually, probably even lower than that. Sometimes I can’t even READ the illiteracy because I lack the “necessary function in the brain which allows a person to read a caveman version of the English language”.

I’m hoping that at least someone at this school agrees with me (aside from my friends; and no, that doesn’t include you Callie. You’re an illiterate). It’s not that I completely hate all acronyms (such as “Lmao” and “Omg”)—I just hate how people overuse them like it actually IS a correct way of spelling “Be right back”, “Got to go”, and the ever popular, “Laugh out loud.” Maybe I’m just starting to rant by now, but frankly I could care less. This world needs someone to inform how retarded many adolescents sound these days; it might as well be me.

Sincerely,

K.F., a fellow 8th grade student of Lewis Middle School

P.S.: In response to the massive amounts of insults/criticisms/flames I’m probably going to receive, this is the short answer:

I don’t care.

And here’s the long answer:

I don’t care. Go away.

For those of you who didn’t understand half of what I just ranted about, I simplified it into a short sentence:

Stop typing like an idiot and go read a dictionary.

And to everyone who read this and agreed:

Please help spread my article around to other people, so I can get my message across.

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ABOUT THE HAWKING CHILD

My name is Daniel Hawking.

There are three fractions that make up this persona.

One of which is sealed closed via the physical realm of the world. One of which is unlocked via the medium known as the Internet. One of which is standing tall, watching over the wondrous horizon in front of him.

Of the first, this is the one most who have met me see, the one shunned, the one unappreciated, the one treated as entertainment instead of a colleague, the one shunted off to the side.

Of the second, only a select few have been able to meet. Coherency and truthful thoughts are the hallmarks of those knowing this fraction, as are trust and belief. Most of the dearest friends know of this section.

Of the third...? Revival of the finest order, as the phoenix of a prince rises from his own ashes. The adventurer, a traveler.

Regardless of fates, this is who I am now.

Daniel Hawking. Prince of Aralonia.

One of many.

A representative of Aralonia.

Together, the collective mindset of a nation.

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